Are You Good Enough?

Discovery of an uncomfortable question.

Every time I hear this question it keeps puzzling me. What is meant by “good” and what is meant by “enough”?

Recently, I have attended a lawyers’ networking event. There were more experienced lawyers sharing their stories and giving motivational speeches. One of the speakers, a barrister, argued that we should feel like we are good enough and that we should not doubt our abilities. If we do, he said, we will be able to achieve great things. It was nice to hear those exciting and moving words. However, it did not mean much to me. An element of truth was missing. Deep down, I know that I am not good enough. This led me to question the concept of being good enough further.

To be honest, I have been a relatively high achiever in my student life. Got good grades, earned degrees, and became a lawyer in two different jurisdictions. However, this has never satisfied me. I was running but did not feel like I was progressing. Only a signpost of satisfaction was moving further. It felt like I was running on a treadmill. Besides, one drawback of attending good schools, I was always surrounded by other high achievers. My university friends went to Oxford and Harvard or became great lawyers in big firms. I met entrepreneurs and businessmen with impressive careers and big wallets. No matter what I accomplish, as long as I compare myself to others, there is no end in sight. So, is ‘Am I good enough?’ a question without an answer? Who am I supposed to compare myself to?

On the one hand, I aspire to be a great lawyer. As many motivational speakers suggest, should I go in front of the mirror and shout that I am good enough? Then, what? Am I suddenly going to start feeling that I am great? No. This is delusional. I can’t imagine successful people like Steve Jobs, Novak Djokovic, or C. Ronaldo telling themselves they are good enough. The feeling of not being good enough doesn’t end until you’re the best in the world. You keep feeling bad about yourself.

Furthermore, being good enough is perceived as being successful at your job. But it is not limited to one aspect of life. We all carry different identities in life — friend, partner, father, son, blogger, footballer, guitarist, and whatever. Am I good enough at all of them?

I believe this question is inherently wrong. The true question should be: do I accept and love myself despite not being good enough? Do I still have intrinsic self-worth despite being suck at whatever I care?

The reason I say this is that, as Mark Manson rightly put it, true confidence comes from being comfortable with what we lack. Then, when approaching this ‘being good enough’ issue, the first step should be understanding what I am not good at. What are my weaknesses and how can I improve them? Discovering weak spots in my life would allow me to go after them and become a better version of myself.

A better approach is to say I’m not good enough at something, but I’ll improve. Even if I don’t get better, it’s okay. This is a healthier way than saying ‘I’m good enough’ and fooling ourselves.

There will always be parts of life where we’re not great. We’re all humans with flaws. I’ve read biographies and seen people who are great at one thing but not so good at others. Steve Jobs was a great entrepreneur but not a good friend. Elon Musk struggled in his romantic relationships. Your neighbour might be a great father but faces financial problems. So, are you happy with what you’re good at and what you’re not? Can you enjoy life without being obsessed with just one part of it?

So, this leads me to conclude: are you happy with the things you excel at, and you suck at? Could you enjoy your life without being obsessed with only one aspect of it? The same goes for family or romantic relationships. Can you love your partners despite their flaws or imperfect attitudes? Do you love your parents even if they have been insensitive to you?

I believe life is complicated and that’s what makes exploring it valuable and exciting. Now, I will end and publish this post knowing that it is not good enough, but who cares?