Best Books I read in 2023
If Barack Obama shares his favourite books of 2023 list like an influencer, I would do it too.
I have read great books last year, overwhelmingly non-fiction. I like to share five of them that has transformed the way I see myself and the world.
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
My friend recommended this book, praising it as one of life-changing books. I am not sure about my life, but my communication skills have definitely changed.
Basically, there are four components of nonviolent communication (NVC): 1. observations, 2. feelings, 3. needs, and 4. requests.
First, you observe what is going on. What is on your mind? How is your body reacting? You might be very angry or upset. Certain body parts will be reacting to it. Just observe.
Second, understand what the dominant feelings are. I learnt about the wheel of emotions. There are nuances and colors among emotions. Saying “I am happy” is not very descriptive. When defining happiness, joy, ecstasy, or pure peace can exist separately. Anger might be reflected as rage or annoyance. Notice them.
Third, you know what is going on and now understand what you need. Maybe you need to relax, or you need to act on something. I find this part tricky. It can be so hard to articulate what will be the remedy. But work on it.
Finally, make the request. If you do not communicate what you need, no one will ever notice it.
The book puts a big emphasis on taking responsibility for our feelings. It is our feelings, and no one is to blame for how we feel. There might be a correlation of other people’s actions to our feelings, but not necessarily causation. I strongly agree with this and try to apply it to my life.
After reading NVC, I started to realize how passive-aggressive I and others can sound from time to time. For anyone wanting to get better at communication, I strongly recommend it.
Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing. I believe life-alienating communication is rooted in views of human nature that have exerted their influence for several centuries.
The objective of NVC is not to change people and their behavior in order to get our way; it is to establish relationships based on honesty and empathy that will eventually fulfill everyone’s needs.
The Israel Lobby and U.S. Foreign Policy
This is a seminal book written by two academics (John J. Mearsheimer and Stephen M. Walt) from a realist school of international politics. At the time of its publication (2006), it attracted huge amounts of criticism. The authors have been targeted by various organisations and newspapers. They have been blamed for being anti-Semitic, but this is not the case. I believe it is very factual while also defending a position. I read it at a time Israel massacred thousands of civilians during its military actions in Gaza.
Before reading the book, I had a strong skepticism against arguments claiming that certain lobbies are too powerful to impact policies. However, I found that the Israel Lobby is such an actor shaping the USA foreign policy.
The basic argument is that the Israel Lobby is a strong coalition of influential groups that support Israel’s goals in the region and direct the USA to defend Israel. The authors argue that the lobby’s actions are harmful to USA’s and even Israel’s interests. It creates an unprecedented relationship between any two independent states. For me, it has been eye-opening to see how a small group can be so influential on world politics. I got to learn a lot about Zionism, Israel politics, and regional power dynamics. Same tactics, same reactions, same horror, and tragedies.
I think the book is well-structured and convincing. A highly active persona on media, J. Mearsheimer is worth following.
Given the harm that this conflict is inflicting on Israel, the United States, and especially the Palestinians, it is everyone’s interest to end this tragedy once and for all.
Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity
Peter Attia has been a very popular medic thanks to his podcast and various appearances on other podcasts.
Health is a very attractive topic. I became very interested in it after the pandemic and the response to it, specifically the lockdowns. We were being bombarded with constant information flow and stats about how the viruses spread and how many people died. On the other hand, even in the middle of the pandemic, I realized the ways we can improve our health were neglected. I thought the virus was inevitable and I could do nothing about it. But I could get better at defending myself. That’s when I decided to take my health more seriously. From that period, I started to exercise more often, eat healthily, sleep well, and mostly avoid harmful things. I started them as a reaction to stupid health(!) policies, now I just feel awesome living a healthy life.
Aside from my personal story, this book has been a great reference point for me. It mostly justified what I know and taught me their scientific basis. I found this book very humble and assertive at the same time. I don’t think it is common in the health industry.
I really enjoyed the book’s emphasis on exercise. It gave me more motivation to continue what I do. Finally, the last section on emotional health was based on the author’s personal struggles which I found very relatable.
I wish more people read it, especially doctors.
Yet Medicine 2.0 has proved far less successful against long-term diseases such as cancer. While books like this always trumpet the fact that lifespans have nearly doubled since the late 1800s, the lion’s share of that progress may have resulted entirely from antibiotics and improved sanitation
Going from zero weekly exercise to just ninety minutes per week can reduce your risk of dying from all causes by 14 percent. It’s very hard to find a drug that can do that.
Nutrition is relatively simple, actually. It boils down to a few basic rules: don’t eat too many calories, or too few; consume sufficient protein and essential fats; obtain the vitamins and minerals you need; and avoid pathogens like E. coli and toxins like mercury or lead. Beyond that, we know relatively little with complete certainty. Read that sentence again, please.
The Case Against the Sexual Revolution: A New Guide to Sex in the 21st Century
This is an interesting book.
Louise Perry has been a writer for progressive, left-leaning pieces such as the Guardian and New Statesman. She defines herself as a feminist. Yet, this book presents very conservative conclusions. The author does not follow a religious or conservative approach while reaching these conclusions.
Just take a look at the chapters: Sex Must be Taken Seriously, Men and Women are Different, Some Desires are Bad, Loveless Sex is not Empowering, Consent is not Enough, Violence is not Love, People are not Products, Marriage is Good, Listen to Your Mother.
If the old quip tells us that a ‘conservative is just a liberal who has been mugged by reality’, then I suppose, at least in my case, that a post-liberal feminist is just a liberal feminist who has witnessed the reality of male violence up close.
She begins by pointing out sex differences, which is currently a radical view in the West. She then goes against hook-up culture, claiming that it has not been liberating for women but only beneficial for a small minority of men.
Hook-up culture is a terrible deal for women and yet has been presented by liberal feminism as a form of liberation. A truly feminist project would demand that, in the straight dating world, it should be men, not women, who adjust their sexual appetites.
The book presents striking facts that I observe too. Nowadays, mating generally occurs through online dating. At first glance, it seems like the dating pool has expanded and everybody can easily meet many potential partners. However, the success rate of online dating has not been promising. Apps keep love seekers in the pool but do not deliver results. Dating apps have also changed people’s behavior as there is less friction and infinite options. It does not seem like something to be a fan of.
Tinder causes its users more unhappiness than almost any other app. In a further iteration of cultural death grip syndrome, users report that dating apps manage to turn what should be an exciting experience into a dull and depressing one because an overabundance of options does not increase the sexual thrill but instead kills it.
I believe this book presents a different point of view for both sides of the debates surrounding sexual dynamics. For progressives, it shows the trade-offs of the current dominant hook-up culture, and for conservatives, it outlines factual and reason-based arguments rather than hiding behind tradition or religion. It also provides a class-based opinions and many references to evolutionary psychology literature. It is well-written and structured. I highly recommend it.
Why Has Nobody Told This Before
A really helpful self-help/psychology book.
Dr. Julie Smith is a famous TikToker in the UK. I can’t say her book is groundbreaking, so I would say someone has told this before, contrary to what the title suggests. However, the way she presents her points is brilliant.
I think mental health is a vital issue. Therefore, books like Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before provide valuable guidance. Each chapter has a summary at the end, and she shares valuable practical tools to deal with emotions. Here are the chapters: On Dark Places, On Motivation, On Emotional Pain, On Grief, On Self-doubt, On Fear, On Stress, On a Meaningful Life.
Feeling down is more likely to reflect unmet needs than a brain malfunction.
Just as thoughts are not facts, feelings are not facts either. Emotions are information, but when that information is powerful, intense and loud, as emotions can be, then we are more vulnerable to believing in them as a true reflection of what is going on. You are not your feelings and your feelings are not who you are. The sensation of an emotion is an experience that moves through you. Each emotion can offer you information, but not necessarily the whole story. If there is something emotions are pretty useful for, it’s telling you what you need.
Most people are shocked and surprised to find out that self-criticism is more likely to lead to an increase in depression rather than motivation…
What are your favourite books of last year?
